I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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