Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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