"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Welp...herpes.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
