Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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