is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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