Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
