We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
