I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
