There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
