i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
