Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
