All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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