You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
