saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
