I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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