so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
