Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
