Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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