ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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