her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just invented taco cereal.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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