it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
