Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
