Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
