In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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