There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
