whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
