Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
