I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
