I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
