I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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