god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
