i'm signing you up for texting rehab
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
