i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
