whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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