office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
