physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
