so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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