Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i barfeds in our rink
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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