i think i have two assholes
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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