either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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