Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
