Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
