never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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