I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
