had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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