Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
