we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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