Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
