What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
