ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
