she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
