Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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