I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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