My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
