you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
