so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
