ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
